Marriage or no Marriage?

Marriage No marriage Living Single

(Photo credit: A_of_DooM)

Marriage is a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. One thing is certain that there will be problems whether you get married or not. So you have to find out what is suitable for you.  If you are confused about getting married or not then ask yourself what exactly you want? Don’t be hurry and don’t settle for incorrect choices just because age is passing. If you get into a wrong relationship then life will become more complicated and if you have children then problem will get even worst. Then if you decide to break up and divorce it may cost you great financial and emotional loss.

If you want to get married then remember that you deserve the best and go for it. Don’t settle for average partner who is neurotic, alcoholic, mentally sick, abusive, vulgar, drug addict, dishonest (but handsome), boring (but beautiful), beautiful (but cold), having expectations which no one can fulfill, resistant, melodramatic, selfish, dominating, demanding, suicidal, gay (but software engineer in America), egoistic, manipulative or foolish (but rich), sexy but having zero interest in sex (this is horrible!), the great gambler, dashing street fighter, self centered non charming beauty queen etc.

You may feel that all doors are closed by now. No one is perfect.

Marriages are NOT made in heaven. Marriage is the concept of hell. In my view it is a prison. It gives a sense of security but there is deep insecurity in that institution. Your spouse may find better option than you. You may be handsome, beautiful, sexy or rich it doesn’t matter. People need variety. In fact it is boring to live with a single person for whole life. If you are lucky and you get a good partner than it is OK, but most of the time it does not happen. Soon you loose interest in each other.

People who get married within one or two years of love affairs are desperate and mentally weak. They are afraid of break ups and public opinions. There is no such thing as love at first sight. There are millions of potential partners all around the globe. The ideal age for marriage is after 40 and ideal partner for marriage is one who loves you more than 7 years. (Still I’m very doubtful…)

Before getting married or finding a partner write down what exactly you want from this relationship and which qualities you want in your partner. First be clear. What kind of person you want in your life. Make a huge list. Don’t get impressed just because the person is attractive or handsome. Scan the person very deeply. Look if there is any ugly, dishonest, cunning face behind that cute face.

Never get emotionally dependent on anyone. It really doesn’t matter if you live single. In fact it is more fun. There are many beautiful people. Learn how to approach and meet new people anywhere, in the malls, hotels, on the streets and exhibitions. It is adventure. If you have hundreds of friends then you will never have a breakup.

And if you don’t want to go into any relationship then also it is good. There is no problem. There are many interesting things than love affairs and sex. In fact commitments, relationships and all the circus is very superficial, and have no meaning at all. It is like changing TV channels. If you have relationship with ten different people you will loose your all interest. That is the only reason Buddha leave his palace and run away in the jungle. Jean-Paul Sartre (a French existentialist philosopher) said, “The other is hell”.

The most intelligent,  strong and confident people mostly prefer to stay away from commitments and relationships, because there is no guaranty of tomorrow. A strong person accepts this uncertainty. Don’t fall into the trap of the society, remain single. The population is increasing. Air, water and food are polluted. This is not a safe place for your children.

Heraclitus (c.535–c.475 B.C., Greek philosopher of Ephesus) said that you can not step twice into the same river, and my friend, I say unto you that you can not sleep twice with the same person.

41 thoughts on “Marriage or no Marriage?”

  1. hi what u say on gayism!?!? what should they do? are they perverted? should they become straight? or they can be as they are as they probably cant change the way they think?!

    1. Sandy, garden of life contains all kinds of flowers and plants, just see if you are capable to handle all and what is suitable for YOU. Gays (and lesbians) are different kind of plants, wild plants. Gays are more inventive than heterosexuals. They are trying something new, something different. And bisexual are even more flexible and more creative than gays. They are like wild creepers or wild climbers. In my view gays are not pervert. My point is, you should look what is suitable for you and go for it. A woman getting married with a gay just for his money is making a silly mistake, because he will not change. In that case that gay is not pervert but the woman who got messed with him for his money is pervert.
      You are asking should they (gays) become straight? Who will make them straight? 🙂 And why should they become straight? They are not giving any trouble to mankind. In fact many artists, writers, poets has a tendency towards gayism.
      Here is the list of top 10 greatest gay men in history:
      1. Alexander the Great
      2. Socrates (it naturally makes his famous students Plato and Aristotle gay)
      3. Khnumhotep and Niankhkhnum
      4. King David of Israel
      5. Nero
      6. Hadian
      7. Richard the Lion Hearted of England
      8. Leonardo da Vinci
      9. Oda Nobunga
      10. Abrahm Lincoln

  2. Hi ok. may be i should not ask u abt it but still i want to. its difficult to stay as gay in india and that too in small town. the family will make him straight. and he may become Bi. is not it wrong? or he should stay single if he has that guts?

    1. Sandy, first of all tell me who is “he” in your comment? Is that you? Is this question is about yourself? Or it is just a hypothetical question? If you are really worried about gays, living in small town then it is not your problem. They will solve it themselves. Because need is the mother if all inventions.
      Second thing I support gays just because I’m a humble and kind man so I support many thing out of kindness. But that does not mean that I know all the secrets of gays 🙂 Please don’t mind friend. It’s my guess that its comparatively easier to stay as a gay in small towns and villages because you can go into the hills and farms and rivers.
      A single is not necessarily gay. A single is a single. To stay single is more difficult than to become a gay. It needs deep meditation. Your whole life should be dedicated to meditation, only then you become capable to live as a single. Gay or straight are just mental tendencies. It is not a serious matter. It is like changing cigarette brands. You can easily change from gay to bi or to something else. That is not much important. What is most important is to find out who is this ‘ME’, who is indulging in gay-ism, and god knows there are hundreds of things out there. Gay-ism is just a fantasy. It is imagination. It is not your real nature. Nobody is born gay or lesbian. Mind entertain all sorts of stupidities. So watch the mind. Watch how thoughts and images create fantasies and how you become a victim of your own mind. In that watching itself is the freedom from all that is nonessential. 100% of the pleasure we feel comes NOT from “out there”, but from “in here”. The other person is NOT giving you the pleasure. It is YOUR mind, your imagination, that gives you the pleasure.

  3. Well i thought to make that clear, as that question is obvious, but i did not. ‘He’ is ‘me’ in my comments. n why would anyone else bother abt asking on this orientation.

    1. ok, ok sandy , no problem, you are most welcome. I hope my answer was helpful to you. If there is any question then feel free to ask.

  4. so it is my choice to stay however i want. what when family and relatives start really bothering about my marriage? as they started already. its not like i m reluctant to marriage due to my orientn. but because i dont think i am made for it. i mean that resposbility, wife, children etc. n i have to bear all this whole life!! At present i have told at home that i have no interest. but dont know how long..

    1. Sandy, there are many interesting, important and adventurous things in life then marriage. Meditation or self realization is one of them. If you really don’t want to marry then you must become financially independent. And you must have healthy body. These two things are very important, health and wealth. If you have enough money and if you could stand alone then nobody will be able to manipulate you. Third thing, be assertive. Stand for your own rights. Take your own decisions and stick to them. If you don’t like to marry then you should not marry.
      If you are totally focused on you own mission of life then nobody will be able to manipulate you. So first of all find out what you want to do if you don’t get married. Make a big plan. And move on the journey. What exactly you want to to? Do you want to become a writer, an artist, want to search the truth, awaken people to their full potential, give public talks, run a charitable cancer hospital? First find out what is your hearts desire. What is your most cherished dream? How can you enjoy life to its fullest and become a light unto thyself and others?
      Brainstorm ideas. Take a hundred pages or two hundred pages notebook. And write down your all dreams and plans and goals. Write down what you want to do and what you don’t want to do. Written goals are messages to your subconscious mind. Once you get a clear idea then everything becomes very easy. Research says that more than 80% written goals manifest within a year or two. BE creative.
      Visualize the life you want to manifest for yourself. Imagination is more powerful than will power. Imagine vividly your ideal life which you want to create for yourself. This regular exercise of conscious dreaming will create new neurological paths in your brain. And your life will transform. Live in the present moment but set 1000s of goals and achieve them. Goals improve every area of your life. Set goals for every area in your life, for example to meditate daily for 1hr, exercise 1hr, make 6 pack abs, become a millionaire, make 101 new friends, have 17 brand new girlfriends, write 51 books, read 10001 books, learn Spanish and you will become so busy that nobody will be able to interfere in your life.
      (You may find these 2 website helpful to manage your goals: http://www.lifetango.com/ and http://www.43things.com/)
      Life is fun. Set big goals and they will make you a big man. Be fast, life is running. Once you make a decision never look back whether it was right or wrong, never regret for your decisions. Feel proud of yourself that you have ability to take a decision and stick to it blindly. This will give you unstoppable confidence and courage. Set a goal and go to the very end of it, even if meantime you find it meaningless. The whole life is meaningless and empty. So don’t bother what is right and what is wrong, or what is good and what is bad, just see what YOU WANT and keep moving towards YOUR VISION.

    1. If you prolong marriage then you may avoid it permanently. Marriage is just a social hypnosis. In my whole life I never come across any ideal or perfect couple. They are only in novels and movies. Marriages brings many unnecessary responsibilities. Population and pollution is increasing. There is no need of producing new children. Your children may suffer in the future. Many people, if they wait till 40 will find it is just wastage of time and life. At least those who are aware about what is going on in the world will avoid marriage.
      If you wait, you may find some alternate life style or you may meet many potential lovers and find the right/interesting partner for you or you may loose your interest totally. Anything can happen, but one thing is certain that you will grow and become more matured.
      Buddha get fade up of women because there were many women around him. And tragedy of common man is that he never get fade up, because his choices are limited. So he never come out of this vicious circle.
      In short if you wait then you may settle with the best or you may find your freedom is more enjoyable.

  5. Hi MG!wht i m asking is may not be related to meditation, but a personal topic! As i said in previous msg that i m gay! now i liked someone but he is faaar away from me! i mean he is in banglore n i m in belgaum. if i wanna get with him i need to shift to bangalore only for HIM! if i can get any job there or i hav to do some master degree to get a job in bangalore. i keep thinking on this! sometimes i feel is not it stupidity?! getting in relation abt which we dont know how long it may go! n dont know wht HE wishes to! n for him shifting to bangalore like mad! n wht if it would end soon, what then? coming back to Belgaum?! its not that easy as it seems..

    1. Sandy, this is the mind. And you yourself answered your question. You know the answer still you are wandering. Nobody can stop you and nobody can guide you better than yourself. Only you can help yourself. Mind wants to chase something which is difficult or impossible. It is the only way it can survive. You said, “what bothers me is nothing is permanent here, then whats the point in running behind that which would be not ours someday!”, well that is the correct answer. (Sorry for late reply, I checked this blog after many weeks)

  6. wel.. what bothers me is nothing is permanent here, then whats the point in running behind that which would be not ours someday!

  7. But we cannot stop doing things thinking that nothing is permanent here. so do you mean that its all left to me whatever i do about it knowing the thing that its all mind game..?

    1. When you observe so called mind games then a totally different kind of action is born out of that observation and that action is the right action.

      You can not stop just saying that all is the mind game. You must observe and understand the ways of the mind. In that understanding itself you will find the way to the freedom.

  8. How will i know that the so called love born from heart!!
    by observation?! even it remains out of observation then its from heart?!

    1. For most of the people love means manipulation, domination, politics, nagging, conflict. It’s like a power game. This is the lowest kind of love.

      If you observe it, meditate on it, understand it then you will start rising upward. Then your love will not be a mind game, it will not be political and manipulative. Then love will be your state of being. You will not expect anything in return. This love is a state, it is not focused on a single person. It is not a relationship. You simply become loving, kind and compassionate towards the whole existence.

      If you become aware of the mind games then mind will not make you fool in the name of love. If you put aside all ideas about love then you will know what is love.

  9. Osho says against homosexuality, that its not natural, says love needs polar opposites. other time he says nothing wrong in it, its natural thing n says if one decide to be homosexual it is perfectly okay.

    i get confused n worried when i read such articles.

    1. Stop reading, then you will never get confused 🙂 Just be silent and you will know what is right for you.
      It is ok to smoke, it is ok to drink alcohol, it is ok to be lesbian or homosexual but how long you are going to live in traps?

  10. Osho says “if you are interested in spiritual growth then you have to grow from homosexuality towards heterosexuality. If you are not interested in spiritual growth then there is nothing wrong.”
    For spiritual growth (for me this is enlightenment/moksh) one has to become heterosexual? at least sexually first? later understanding the opposite for self spiritual growth?

    1. Whatever is natural is spiritual. Osho is right.. Enlightenment is not far away, it is just freedom from stupid fantasies. What is homosexuality? You create it in your imagination. If you don’t create certain pictures in your mind, it will be finished. Then what remains is just pure and natural sex. It is always there. You are born with natural sexual instinct. Nobody is born homosexual. Just stop corrupting your mind. Don’t give it any fuel. I don’t say to suppress sex. I just say don’t give any extra fuel. Actually enlightenment is very easy but most people wants to create complications. This moment you can become free from homosexuality.

  11. yes, i can be free from homosexuality, but MAY not become hetero! so shall i have to become hetero? i don’t want any barrier in spiritual path. so asking.. hope this is last question on this!

    1. Sandy don’t get confused, forget about homosexuality or hetero sexuality. Just be in the present, live every moment totally. Do not look for answers in books or other people or gurus. If you live moment to moment with awareness then what is essential will remain with you and garbage will automatically go. You don’t have to do anything, just be in the moment and enjoy the life. If you live in the present moment then you will automatically grow on the spiritual path. Nothing is barrier on the spiritual path. Barrier can become a stepping stone. Homosexuality is not a barrier but if you live simple and natural lifestyle then it will be much easier for you to grow on the spiritual path. If you live meditatively then homosexual mindset will automatically become less and less and it will disappear. You may even loose interest in hetero because you will find something more valuable and beautiful then sex. If you find diamonds you will not waste your time in collecting stones.

  12. may be you mean once one is free from his imagination he automatically become hetero! or it doesn’t matter whether i m gay or straight in spiritual path!?

    1. In the beginning nobody is perfect. You have to start from the point where you are. On spiritual path it doesn’t matter whether you are gay or straight but as you grow on spiritual path homosexual mindset will automatically go because it is just an outer layer of the mind. Then all that is nonessential will go. Then you may produce a baby or you may enjoy sex but you will not entertain unnecessary sexual thoughts. Just live in the moment, your heart knows all the answers. As the mind becomes silent you will know what is right and what is good for you.

  13. hi, i hv a question on physique. see i don’t think i am perfect physically! if its about building body one may hit gym, but what if its due to some inner cause like harmonal?! i am not a macho man but a gentle guy!! what bothers me is the one i like may not like me physically whether its a girl or boy! because its the first thing one can see, from where it starts! but if some there is some inner cause for lack of ideal physique then? is medical help only way? or can one program his own body by meditation or some something like that?!? i know its totally materilistic, but have to be that way for material world!

    1. If there is hormonal cause then you must seek medical advice. Fitness is easy, just go for jogging or join a gym. You can program your body through hypnosis. Hypnosis combined with bodybuilding can give you very good result. You should also pay attention to proper diet. Meditation also reduce stress and helps you to stay fit. But if you think that the cause is hormonal then you should consider to take medical advice. You can gain or loose weight with the help of hypnosis and dieting. Regular exercise is very essential for everyone. At least do whatever is possible for you and you will find the way. If the cause of hormonal imbalance is psychological then it will disappear in meditation. Once you know your real nature many psychological and physical disorders will simply disappear. But if it seems a long way to you then seek medical advice.

  14. I would like to go for “NO MARRIAGE” because married people are not always happy and those who are happy, either of the couple regret that they are lacking the freedom. So it is very difficult to say and it is completely subjective. Very few couples have stayed forever till death. There are many couple who got separated very quickly and celebrities are doing it now and then separating and marrying and in the meanwhile the wedding planners and event management companies are earning millions ! I think it is better to lead a single life without showing any commitment to anybody as You never know what is in the mind of your wife or husband. You can never trust a person because Human Being is a a born actor! Your wife or husband can pretend to be very good before marriage and even months after months of observing will lead you to nowhere, then after marriage, you will understand that you were just wasting time with him or her. So it is better to pursue some hobby, spend that money travelling various parts of the country and when it is finished, then outside your country, collect various kinds of things, write blogs, paint, dance, sing, play various instruments. So we have got a lot of things to do. 🙂 Happy new year! 🙂

    1. Andrew, your view is absolutely right. There are very few marriages which appears to be successful. Marriages, love, relationships have lost their meaning. It is true that you can not trust anyone because people have hidden motives and dark intentions. You said, “Human Being is a a born actor!” and I’m totally agree with you.
      Wish you a very happy new year!

  15. Hi MG, nice to know u and this site. I have a quick question. How old are you now? And are you married or not? And Why? I am just curious with your own choice and perspective. Thanks a lot

    1. Hello Jeff, what if I say that I’m ancient?
      Jesus said somewhere that before Abraham I was so I can also say that before Jesus and Abraham I was! 🙂
      I’m as old as the universe and as young as this moment.
      To avoid misunderstanding I can say that I’m around 35 year old but I know that this is not the correct answer… because before my father I was!
      I’m not married and I will never get married, actually that thought never occurred in my mind.
      In my view marriage or no-marriage is a personal choice.
      I like to live alone so I didn’t got married.
      My father also realized this and he told me, “Don’t get into this mess! This is not for you.”
      So my two younger brothers got married. I have two nephews.
      I think some people want to oversimplify their life and I’m one of them. But still I believe that this kind of lifestyle is not suitable for everyone. I’m NOT against marriages or relationships. Too much freedom could suffocate many people. Most people can easily go into depression or some kind of mental disorder if they live totally alone. In old age there will be nobody to look after them. But for some people it is just opposite. They are happy when they are single. You have to find out what is good for you, what is suitable for you. If you choose to live as single then money and fitness are very important.

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