How to control anger?
People are asking this question since thousands of years.
Well, the answer is “NO, you can not control your anger”
You can not control the anger because it is you. It is one of your faces. You keep changing your faces all the time. Normally when you get angry, you have many reasons to support your anger and violence. You don’t want to get free from the anger because you feel powerful and strong when you get angry.
Deep down nobody wants to get totally free from the anger because you want all the benefit you can get by being angry. Anger is the best way to prove others that you are Mr. Right. Anger is an easy way to manipulate and dominate people.
If you really want to get free from anger then you have to look into all the hidden benefits you get by being angry.
Second thing, anger is a sleepy state of mind. When you get angry you become unconscious. So your all effort to control your anger are unconscious efforts. It’s like you are fighting with your enemy in your dream. Half of your mind is engaged in creating anger and supporting it by giving all the logical reasons and other half of your mind is engaged in controlling this anger.
Watch this!
Don’t condemn the anger. It is just your own imagination. It is your thoughts. It is you, temporarily unconscious. In this unconscious state one can commit violence. Anger also leaves behind a shadow of guilt.
Trying to control anger is like to stop a powerful flow of river. You will never succeed.
There is another way. Don’t try to control your emotions of anger. Controlled anger will become depression and frustration and it may bubble up any moment.
First thing be friendly with your emotions because they are your emotions. Whenever you get angry try to become aware of physical sensations of anger. You will feel uncomfortable sensations in different parts of your body. It is very simple thing to observe these sensations. Most probably you will feel these sensations in your head. So just watch those sensations. Also keep an eye on your thoughts. Look how your thoughts are reacting to the whole situation.
Anger is the best opportunity for meditation. If you are already silent then what is the need for meditation? When you are angry there are lots of things going on in your mind. In anger you can catch your ego in action. Normally ego is silent and hidden. You can not see it but in overwhelming anger your ego is working faster. You can easily observe his actions and hidden layers. In that observation itself you will know what is the right action. Your mind will become calm and relax. Then you will take an appropriate action but it will not come from your anger rather it will come from the understanding of your mind.
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MG,
For almost twenty years, I have been looking for enlightened persons (people who could teach me important things that I could not figure out for myself) and I finally realised out that the old masters like Chuang-tzu and Lao-tzu were absolutely right: “nowadays we have no more Great Men: they all lived a very long time ago and they were the ones who teached us the little we know”.
Anyways: good to know that there are others “crazy-fuckers-hatters-forever-alone” like me in this world! Good job with your site! Very good books! Completely agreed with almost everything you wrote (disagreed with a few things, but in aspects that are less relevant for your purpose, like “Religion” (I think that it´s a very good tool being handled by very wrong hands) or “God” (I think that God IS and He (They?) Is (Are?) very, very, diferent from what both their “representants” and “followers” believe He (They?) Is (Are?)).
Best wishes,
Ricardo
Welcome Ricardo! Thank you for your message!
Stay connected
Love!
So true. Many people don’t realize that they become less conscious when they are experiencing lower emotional states. Simple breathing and becoming still will definitely help with this as you stated in your article.
Yes Justin. This is very simple thing but most people are not trained to observe lower emotional states. Thank you for your comment.
come on!!!
If you want to control the anger, first you should become angry…!!!
Thank you Zorba, great invention!!!
The ways of controlling anger here is fine but I would like to add some more:
1. Meditate regularly.
2. Anger can be controlled by positive thinking.
3. Argue less with people and try to avoid argumentative people.
4. Think rationally.
5. Try to avoid dominating people.
6. If somebody dominates you and behaves roughly, do not approach that person ever!
Thank you Andrew for your suggestions. One should learn to identify dominating people instantly.
ya……right….if v get anger, v should take any liked things such as eating,etc
Agreed. I try to avoid people who try to dominate me emotionally. Sometimes, I can’t avoid them because I have to work with them. So, what I’ll do with those people is punch them in the adam’s apple. See, when they can run their pie holes because they’re gasping for air, then I don’t get angry. This works out well until security shows up. What should I do at that point to get the rent-a-cops off my back?
Hello IdRatherThrowYaThanKnowYa,
I believe that you are a Judo player
Anyway, you should either punch them in the adam’s apple and run away before security shows up or give them a good throw..! Uchi Mata or O’goshi will be better.
In my view instead of punching people you should give them arm bar or choke.
It works better because in arm bar or choke you have total control over the person.
If security shows up then you can even say that it’s just fun, you are just playing…nothing serious!
There are lots of joint manipulation and locking techniques in Chin na (or Qinna) I think you should give it a try.
Here is a link for you (Shaolin 32 Methods of Qin Na): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-59-hs0MpHI
I like what you have to say about anger and its uncontrollability. At this state it’s all ego, no rational thought processes, destruction and old brain fight or flight mode. If one can be aware of signs like raised voice, spinning thoughts, sweaty hands… Then we can divert or control anger before its to late. Part of this is noticing our emotional state, which is discouraged by societies rules for men. Gender typing. Tough rather than the mixed emotional people we all actually are. Anger is something usually learned and says to others “you are not doing what I want” eventually leading to physical violence. Meditation and prayer help me as we’ll as realizing nobody ” makes me” angry and I choose to feel unimportant when actually my happiness is important and I’m not happy when I’m angry. I also realized I get a rush from being angry like an addict. Yuck!
Thank you David for your comment!