(Photo credit: A_of_DooM)

Marriage is a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. One thing is certain that there will be problems whether you get married or not. So you have to find out what is suitable for you.  If you are confused about getting married or not then ask yourself what exactly you want? Don’t be hurry and don’t settle for incorrect choices just because age is passing. If you get into a wrong relationship then life will become more complicated and if you have children then problem will get even worst. Then if you decide to break up and divorce it may cost you great financial and emotional loss.

If you want to get married then remember that you deserve the best and go for it. Don’t settle for average partner who is neurotic, alcoholic, mentally sick, abusive, vulgar, drug addict, dishonest (but handsome), boring (but beautiful), beautiful (but cold), having expectations which no one can fulfill, resistant, melodramatic, selfish, dominating, demanding, suicidal, gay (but software engineer in America), egoistic, manipulative or foolish (but rich), sexy but having zero interest in sex (this is horrible!), the great gambler, dashing street fighter, self centered non charming beauty queen etc.

You may feel that all doors are closed by now. No one is perfect.

Marriages are NOT made in heaven. Marriage is the concept of hell. In my view it is a prison. It gives a sense of security but there is deep insecurity in that institution. Your spouse may find better option than you. You may be handsome, beautiful, sexy or rich it doesn’t matter. People need variety. In fact it is boring to live with a single person for whole life. If you are lucky and you get a good partner than it is OK, but most of the time it does not happen. Soon you loose interest in each other.

People who get married within one or two years of love affairs are desperate and mentally weak. They are afraid of break ups and public opinions. There is no such thing as love at first sight. There are millions of potential partners all around the globe. The ideal age for marriage is after 40 and ideal partner for marriage is one who loves you more than 7 years. (Still I’m very doubtful…)

Before getting married or finding a partner write down what exactly you want from this relationship and which qualities you want in your partner. First be clear. What kind of person you want in your life. Make a huge list. Don’t get impressed just because the person is attractive or handsome. Scan the person very deeply. Look if there is any ugly, dishonest, cunning face behind that cute face.

Never get emotionally dependent on anyone. It really doesn’t matter if you live single. In fact it is more fun. There are many beautiful people. Learn how to approach and meet new people anywhere, in the malls, hotels, on the streets and exhibitions. It is adventure. If you have hundreds of friends then you will never have a breakup.

And if you don’t want to go into any relationship then also it is good. There is no problem. There are many interesting things than love affairs and sex. In fact commitments, relationships and all the circus is very superficial, and have no meaning at all. It is like changing TV channels. If you have relationship with ten different people you will loose your all interest. That is the only reason Buddha leave his palace and run away in the jungle. Jean-Paul Sartre (a French existentialist philosopher) said, “The other is hell”.

The most intelligent,  strong and confident people mostly prefer to stay away from commitments and relationships, because there is no guaranty of tomorrow. A strong person accepts this uncertainty. Don’t fall into the trap of the society, remain single. The population is increasing. Air, water and food are polluted. This is not a safe place for your children.

Heraclitus (c.535–c.475 B.C., Greek philosopher of Ephesus) said that you can not step twice into the same river, and my friend, I say unto you that you can not sleep twice with the same person.

Today I delete my two posts because I thought they were not important, but in the evening I change my mind and decide to restore them back. That was easy for me because I regularly back up my SQL database and for safety keep it on three different locations. So I just copy my old posts from my previous backup and published them again.

Data is valuable, so we keep a backup but what about our relationships?
Fortunately you don’t need to take backup of our relationships, they are automatically stored in our brain. There you will find your good and bad memories with your friends.

Conflict is natural process in any relationship  but it is wrong to break up over small and pity things. It is a big mistake to take decisions from negative frame of mind when something goes wrong. Sometimes negative influences around us affect our own intimate relationships. For example if a divorce happen in a friend circle then it creates a chain reaction and other people also start seeing their partner through this new perspective which is a negative frame and obviously there is conflict. This is a mechanical process. If you are not alert then you become a victim. It works just like a virus.

If this kind of thing happens and you find yourself in negative state of mind then simply access your good memories with your partner or friend. Go back to the past, find a moment when both of you were happy together and look at things from THAT reference, your last moments which were working well. It is easy because your brain is automatically recording each moment. Perhaps you have spend hundreds of happy moments together, go back to those memories and live them again in your imagination. And look at the present from that perspective.

Never take any decision from negative memory even if it is a fact. Whenever you are in conflict with your friend or beloved then don’t act from negative mindset. Remember all those moment when you were in HARMONY and there was TRUST. Make a commitment with your friends to ‘access good memories’ and ‘act from that point of reference’ if anything goes wrong in the future.

Mistakes happens. Hundreds of time you will make mistakes, so there is no point in totally break up the relations. It’s my advice that  you should never break up any relationship which is working since more than three years. When someone makes a mistake, remember that he is a human being just like you.

You can make millions of mistakes  but if you know ‘how to come back to good memories and start again from that point’ then there is no problem.

Many of you may know how to restore your backups, Windows Operating System also have a restore point. If something goes wrong you can just go back to your last setting which worked well. In the same way you must know how to restore your relationships to the ‘best past moment which was working well for both of you’.

Whenever things go wrong, learn to remember your happy moments, access that memory. Make this commitment with yourself and your friends, today. Always remember to make a restore point when things are going well. Suppose you are enjoying a good party with your friends then make a commitment to yourself to come back to this moment if something wrong in the future. Make this a rule to regularly make a restore point so that you can always access the latest joyful and happy memory.

Love is coding, you need to debug and backup like a good programmer – MG

“It is just a four letter word”, replied MG,

“And FUCK?”, asked the boy impatiently,

“It is another four letter word” replied MG quietly.

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Explanation:

Love is mind, it is just a thought. It is your imagination. There is nothing spiritual or mystical in it. You concentrate on one person and think that he/she is the only one. Actually that person has some criteria which is matching to your criteria, that’s all. There is nothing special about it. As long as that criteria is matching, you are friends or lovers. You unconsciously hypnotize your mind that this is the only one. In reality there are many people out there who can be your potential lovers.

Sex is just a need for pleasure. When that need is over love is finished, only relationship is left with its complications. You can never go from Sex to Super-consciousness as Osho has described in his talks. At least I never come across any such person. Sex is a pleasure just like any other pleasure. Sex or celibacy both are mind games. Its only when you understand the futility of chasing sex and love there is freedom from carving and pleasure.

Certain chemicals are released in the brain when you get attracted to someone, it is called Dopamine. It has almost same effect on brain as Cocaine. Serotonin keeps your lover popping in your brain. So love is just a chemical addiction between two people. Oxytocin is released by men and women during orgasm, which deepens the attachment, and you feel closer to your beloved. Vasopress released after sex helps to keep long term commitment and relationship. if you give a drug to suppress the effect of above said chemicals, love will be deteriorate. Chemical effect is strong as long as the lover is new but as the love affair get old the effect is fade up and the search for new lover begins. This is the basic reason of all love breaks.

Love and hate are two faces of the same coin, that is mind. You can not hate the person you never loved.

He/she is not beautiful, attractive or sexy, it’s YOUR mind making you fool.

Love is not god, love is a chemical shit ~ MG